Episode One: Recognition Can Be Engineered

You are already engineering recognition.

The question is whether what you are showing is creating the outcome you want.

In modern dating, a handful of photographs, a few sentences and one interaction can carry enormous weight.

This episode is about becoming easier for the right man to recognize, sharpening your own discernment, and understanding why recognition is something you can approach with intention and precision.

You’ll also meet two people whose stories illustrate both sides of this idea: Linda, a former private client who was recognized through a single Facebook comment, and Chandler, a godly, high-caliber man I recognized almost immediately from one Reddit comment.

Recognition cannot be manufactured.

But it can be prepared for.

Transcript

[00:00:00] You are already engineering recognition. You may not be doing it intentionally, and what you're doing may not be creating the outcome that you want. But every time you meet a man, you are giving him information about who you are, and every time you meet a man, you are making judgments about who he is.
Some of those judgments happen incredibly quickly. That is why I use the word engineering, not manufacturing, not manipulating, and certainly not attempting to control an outcome that ultimately belongs to God. When I say engineering, I mean building toward recognition with intention There's a [00:01:00] verse in Hebrews that describes mature believers as having their powers of discernment trained through constant practice to distinguish good from evil.
I love that picture because your discernment can be trained. Your senses can become sharper. You can become better at recognizing what you're actually looking at. And when it comes to marrying well, I think that matters enormously. A man who is saving sex for marriage, a man who is humble but confident, a man who is already thinking about faithfulness and provision and what it means to protect and lead a family, you should become very good at recognizing a man [00:02:00] like that, even when you only get a glimpse, because sometimes that's all you will get.
A comment on a social media platform, a two-minute conversation, a dating profile, something he says in passing. And I should probably tell you why I care so much about this. My name is Michelle Joyner. I am a Christian dating coach, and I've spent years working with women who deeply desire marriage, including women who had begun to wonder whether the kind of Christian man they wanted actually existed.
I've coached and watched women like Tina and Lena go from genuinely wondering whether those men were out there to meeting and marrying extraordinary [00:03:00] Christian men that they trust with their hearts. One woman I worked with named Mari actually gave herself a challenge to talk to a hundred men. She didn't make it to a hundred.
She found her person and married sooner than she thought she would. I've also had the unusual opportunity to study recognition from the other side. A Christian dating app consulted me on how to improve member success and then kept me on to coach some of their members. So when I tell you recognition matters, I'm not saying that because I came up with an interesting theory about dating I've watched what happens when recognition occurs, and I've watched what happens when it doesn't.
In the upcoming recordings, I am going to introduce [00:04:00] you to two people who illustrate both sides of this beautifully. One of them is a former private client of mine named Linda. Linda left a comment on Facebook. A man saw it. Something about that comment made him want to know who she was. He tracked her down, found her profile, and that tiny moment of recognition eventually became something much, much bigger.
I'm not gonna tell you their whole story. I want you to hear it from Linda herself. But I do want you to notice how small that initial opportunity for recognition really was: a Facebook comment. And then there's Chandler. I met Chandler because I wrote something on Reddit, and he left a comment. [00:05:00] That's it.
One single comment. But there was something about that comment that made me stop. I thought, "There's something different about this guy." So I tracked him down. I looked at his profile. I read a few things he'd written, and then I sent him a message. I didn't have to talk to him for very long before I realized, ah, this is one of those men.
This is the kind of godly, high-caliber man Christian women tell me they're trying to find. And when you hear my conversation with him, you can decide what you think for yourself. But look at the symmetry of those two stories. Linda wrote a comment, and a man recognized something rare in her. Chandler wrote a comment, and I recognized something rare in him.
That's how quickly [00:06:00] recognition can begin. Recognition works in both directions. While you are becoming better at recognizing him, he has to be able to recognize you. If you've been single longer than you want to be, let's just say it, men are not recognizing your value quickly enough. You have worked too hard to become the woman you are.
You should not be this easy to overlook One of the reasons this is happening is that modern dating asks a handful of photographs, a few sentences of a hundred and fifty characters or less, and one opening interaction to communicate an enormous amount. Your photographs need to tell a compelling story of destiny and building a life [00:07:00] together.
Your words, your messages, they need to create desire, invite pursuit, and make commitment feel imaginable, often very, very quickly. Your presence needs to make the right man think, "I need to know her That is what precision does, and that is a significant part of what I do in private advisory. I work with accomplished Christian women who are accustomed to navigating high-stakes decisions in their careers and in their families every day, and who have decided that it's their turn to marry well.
I creatively direct their photographs, their visual presentation, their dating profiles, their words, their messages, their communication so that [00:08:00] who they are becomes unmistakable. But I also work with them through the relationship itself because recognition isn't only about getting noticed. It's about knowing how to create the conditions where desire can deepen, pursuit can continue, and commitment can grow.
And I work on the other side of recognition as well because you need wisdom, judgment, and discernment to recognize him. A Boaz is easier to overlook than you might think, and I don't believe you need someone else making those decisions for you. I want your own discernment honed, your own senses trained, your own judgment sharpened so that when something important [00:09:00] appears in front of you, you know what you're looking at.
That's what I mean when I say recognition can be engineered. You cannot engineer a husband, you cannot manufacture love, and you cannot control what God will do in a relationship. But you can become much more precise, much more intentional about what you're showing, and you can become much wiser about what you're seeing.
Which brings me to something I want you to consider The man you want has already met you. That's a bold statement, but just consider the possibility. Maybe it was a date that went nowhere. Maybe he saw you on an app, but didn't swipe right. Maybe you had [00:10:00] a two-minute conversation somewhere, and neither of you understood what was standing in front of you.
Maybe you overlooked him. Maybe he overlooked you. Recognition didn't occur. The answer isn't to become frantic about every man you've ever encountered. It is to become extraordinarily good at recognition because I don't want you to spend your life becoming the woman a godly, high-caliber man is praying for and then have the two of you pass each other by.
The man you want may have already met you, and my work is about making sure that when recognition has the opportunity to happen again, you are ready for it, that he can recognize you, [00:11:00] and that you can recognize him