Episode Five: A Conversation with the Single Boaz You Didn't Think Existed

Many Christian women quietly wonder whether the kind of man they hope to marry still exists.

In this episode, I sit down with Chandler, a thoughtful Christian man who is intentionally saving sex for marriage and hoping to build a Christ-centered home and family.

He wants to laugh with his wife over Taco Bell at 2:00 a.m, Tuesday night games with his future family, and the knowledge that his home holds everything to him.

We talk about what captures his attention, what makes a woman unforgettable, why modern dating is harder than it looks. 

He also shares what he wishes Christian women understood about men like him. Chandler himself feels he struggles to be recognized.

As you listen to this conversation, you'll realize that you may have overlooked a Boaz more than once.  And perhaps understand why. 

Transcript

[00:00:00] Today I'm talking to one of the men many Christian women have quietly stopped believing existed, a thoughtful, Christ-centered man who is ready for marriage. Chandler told me he is saving sex for when he's married. He's looking for a woman with conviction and modesty and a faith that includes prayer and church and ministry.

He wants to build a home. He wants children. He wants to laugh with his wife over Taco Bell at 2:00 AM. Yet his journey has been far more difficult than he expected. As you listen, pay attention to what makes him say, "Ooh, that could be the one." It probably isn't what you've been told Today I'm joined by Chandler, and Chandler is a lifelong Christian.

He's built a successful [00:01:00] career, is actively involved in his church, and is intentionally dating with the hope of finding his wife and building a family that honors God. Did I miss anything, Chandler? No, you got it all. Um, thank you so much, Michelle, for bringing me on. This is such a cool opportunity. I don't think I've ever been on a podcast before, so this is really cool, really fun.

Um, I'm really looking forward to it. Maybe my wife is in the audience, so who knows? That could be- Exactly ... that could be pretty special, yeah. I want you to just think about the women that you've met over the years. What were the things that made you lean in and think, "I'd like to get to know her"? Yeah, definitely.

I think that's kind of a good place to start, you know, the, the very beginning of stuff. Um, I, I'll go beyond, like, the looks, like, oh, she was pretty or she was cute. You know, that's obviously the obvious answer. You know, she was modest and [00:02:00] stuff. Um, like, I saw, you know, a cross necklace, you know, whatever it might be.

Um, something that's really important to me is just sense of humor. Like, if I see a girl that's just kind of in the moment, laughing, having a good time, um, really just kind of free with herself, I find that very attractive. Um, 'cause a sense of humor is very important to me. I have a, I have a very, very, like, bone dry sense of humor.

Um, and I just, I really enjoy making people laugh. And so if I come across a, a woman that I can maybe make laugh and, and have a good time with, that's so attractive to me. So that's one thing that I really look for. Um, but I think also just an- another part of it is kind of, like, a homey feel to the girl.

I don't know if that's, uh, if that's really makes sense, but just, uh, somebody that, um, has a kind of vibe to them that you'd be looking for in a future wife, a future mother. You know, not somebody that's, you know, gonna [00:03:00] leave this Bible study and then go to the club and be out until 3:00 AM drinking or, or, you know, smoking or whatever.

But somebody that I can kind of, if I'm getting into my delusional self which I sometimes do and think, you know, who, this girl might be my future wife, it's like, can I picture her in that role? I know that's kind of hard to define, but, um, I think it can be s- really simple stuff about, you know, like I said earlier, like, dressing modestly is, is definitely attractive and, uh, you don't need to be, you know, wearing, like, a sack or anything.

But, um, I think that's a very attractive thing. Um, just how you- kind of operate around other people? Like, are you kind of more warm and, and kind and funny and, um, open? I think those varying characteristics are, are really attractive. Mm-hmm. That's really beautiful. Um, one of the things that I noticed about what you [00:04:00] said is that This woman, um, compliments you, right?

Mm-hmm. Like, you want to be modest. You might think very highly of the cross and, you know, enough that you might carry it with you. You think very highly of home. And, um, one of the things that I think is really fun that you mentioned is you making her laugh, right? Mm-hmm. And so there's that receptivity of, like, you know, if I, if I lean in, will she lean back?

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Like, it is kind of u- unique for me with my sense of humor that is, people sometimes just cannot tell for the life of them when I'm joking. And if you ever get to know me, I am, I am always joking. Um, everything I say is, is, is a joke. Another big thing that I really value about the hominess feel of it is [00:05:00] if I'm traveling for work or if I have a stressful meeting or just something happens with my brother or my parents or my friends or whatever it is, um, having that one kind of person that just feels like they are home is so unbelievably important.

Um, I think a lot of women, most women if not all women would want that too. Um, so being that kind of that safe space, if I can use that phrase, I know that kind of gets thrown around a lot, but that's a very appealing thing is somebody that, um, is just a, is just a really good feeling to be around. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. There's, there's a couple of things that, that are being asked for here. Um, one is to be a, a safe place to come home to, but also a safe place to just be. Mm-hmm. You know? Like, I can be myself and be seen and [00:06:00] understood. Yeah. And so many people say it. Like, "She, she gets me," you know? Mm-hmm. Yeah, exactly.

You know, if I... I- it's kind of rare to find someone like that. Like, I, I used to kind of think like, oh, like if you're two Christians you can just marry and everything- Right ... will be great. But there is definitely that level of, um, familiarity with your person that you're not gonna have with anybody else.

And I think you can kind of start building the, the fo- foundational bricks and stones towards that really quality deep relationship pretty early on. Like, I... For me it's humor. For somebody else it might be a different thing, but, um, I think just thinking about what you really want personality-wise in your partner and kind of looking for that- Mm-hmm

can be really enlightening. It's almost like, you know, knowing yourself is the best way to know your partner, if that makes sense. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I think that, I think what [00:07:00] you've discovered is one thing that you're really paying attention to that women may not realize that you- Mm-hmm ... or other men are paying attention to.

So you, it sounds like for you that would probably be like, does she get me enough to laugh at my jokes? Mm-hmm. There's a kind of destiny echo that happens when you say a joke that's deadpan and everybody else would have, like, looked like, "What the heck is he talking about?" And she kind of like, without missing a beat, snaps something right back.

Like, in the same vein as... There's kind of like a destiny charge that happens there. Yeah. Yeah, there's nothing that will make my head, like, whip towards them like, "Whoa." Mm-hmm. "That was fantastic." Um- ... when that happens I was like, "Oh, let me, um, see if I can get your number or take you out or something," 'cause that's, you know...

Yeah. I know it's different for [00:08:00] every guy, but I think a lot of them, at least my friends that I know and, and I surround myself with Christian people I think is valuable. But the friends that I have, and maybe it's just virtue of me picking friends who are also funny and also Christian, but, uh, my guy friends, like, a girl they can laugh with is, is very important.

It, it goes back to the receptivity. You're showing yourself, you're giving her something, and you just want her to enjoy it, you know? Yeah. Another way you can look at it is just- Kind of that traditional, the man takes the kind of leadership role in the relationship. Um, and so when I'm getting to know a girl, I kind of wanna lead her towards a relationship that I see myself flourishing in and want her to as well.

And the relationship that I'm leading her towards is one that's more fun and relaxed and enjoyable and funny, and, you know, we can just go to Taco Bell and just sit there in the, in the drive-through at- Yeah ... in the night and just [00:09:00] be laughing while, you know, eating tacos or something. It's, it's like just- Yeah

that kind of fun relationship is what I'm looking to lead a r- a woman into. Yeah. Um, and that's not gonna be for every woman, of course. But the one that it is for, inevitably, um, eventually will want that. And so I think it's, it's important to kind of understand, you know, what, um, kind of relationship you're being led to, led into as a woman.

And if you have guy listeners, you know, what kind of relationship are you leading a woman to? And that- Yeah ... is so much deeper than just a Christian relationship, as important as that is. What makes you decide not to pursue a woman? Yeah, and that's definitely the kind of important opposite side of things.

There's no, you know, one answer, like this is the one thing that's gonna, um, not be it. There's so many different deal breakers, for lack of a better word, that I could come across. But, [00:10:00] um, and those things can be, you know, obviously not taking your Christian faith seriously. If your answer to that binary question is no rather than yes, um, that kind of says all I need to n- know right there.

Another thing that I was thinking about was just if it's difficult to pursue a girl, that can be discouraging for me, and that can be looked at in so many different ways. It can be like if I only hear from you, you know, once a day, it's like hard to build that chemistry. Um, it can be a ton of different things.

But if I'm kind of, you know, throwing those teasers out and, you know, making those jokes and, and making the plans and, um, showing real interest and sometimes I'm like, "Wow, this girl, she's into me. She... We're on the same page. This is awesome. Um, I can't wait to see her again one day." But then, you know, later that week it's like I have no idea where I stand with this girl.

Like, does she even, does she even like me at all? Like, what's going on here? [00:11:00] And so that kind of... Removing that, um, unsureness is definitely- For sure ... something that, yeah, it's, that can be really, um, disheartening when you're into a girl. And I, I remember, um, I think it was about a year ago, a year and a half ago at some point, um, it was kind of that, that kind of same vibe of a talking stage that went on way too long.

Um, but it was kind of, you know, one time we'd talk on the phone for, you know, three or four hours before we went to bed and it was, it was just awesome. I was like, "Man, this is going exactly the way I want it to" And then I wouldn't hear for her, from her for another two days after that. It was just kind of that totally mixed signals, um, and that was a little difficult to deal with.

So it was being- Mm ... being as clear not only with your words and what you're saying, but just like how you're responding to the guy can also be very important. [00:12:00] Yeah. Yeah. I call it just being agreeable. Just be agreeable. Mm-hmm. Yeah, just say yes. If I ask for something, like pretty much just say yes. Don't offer alternate plans or other suggestions or rain checks.

I find that, you know, what you were talking about, the receptivity, this is, it's actually showing up here too. And I'm sorry my throat is such, so froggy, but I have this weird hoarse thing going on. But, um- No, you all good ... on dating apps, what, what makes you swipe left? Like, I don't, I don't even wanna talk to this girl.

Yeah, that's a good question too. As far as, you know, dating apps, I think there are definitely some different things. Um, obviously like immodest pictures is definitely a red flag. Um, I think that's kind of a no-brainer. People that say like, "You know, I'm not sure what I'm looking for, um, in a relationship," [00:13:00] I definitely am more looking for somebody that also wants what I want, kind of building that together.

But another thing that I think is, is pretty important to have is, um Prompts on like Hinge, for example, that are actual answers. I think that is so helpful. Um, you know, when you have something, um, unique about your profile or unique about a picture that you have, um, an answer that's, that I can, you know, kind of go off of, that I can make a joke about, that I can, um, ask you a question about is so much more helpful than, um...

Uh, like I've seen so many times on, on, on, um, Hinge, it's like, you know, the question is something along the lines of what's the best way to ask you out? Or what kind of date do you like? And then the answer is just ask me. Or like You [00:14:00] shouldn't have to ask me, or like you should already know, something like that.

Like, it's like, it's a little sassy on the to begin with, but also like I, I need something to kind of go off of. You know? If like, you know, if I wanna take you out to, you know, dinner, like it definitely helps me if you mention like, "Oh, you just love Chipotle in your, in your bio," which I do too. Um, let's go grab lunch or something.

That sounds awesome. But just having those little things like that, that I can kind of, um, make it easier to latch onto. But then also on the flip side of those, if it's just like a, a profile that doesn't really have much detail into it so I can't really find something to talk about right away makes it more difficult, um, for me.

But also I think just for you, like I think women have a good opportunity to kind of give some topics that they find interesting in their dating profiles, 'cause I'm sure the women listening right now have had so many guys, uh, [00:15:00] match with them or swipe right on them, and then they just don't really say anything interesting.

And maybe that's just that problem with a guy, but it might sometimes be that we just didn't find anything in the profile that we could really latch onto, but we still found you very attractive and we wanted to try. It's just we couldn't find anything. Christian men and women are just not recognizing each other.

When you only have four to 10 seconds for recognition to happen before you swipe left, you've got to lean into those restraints. And what you're describing is a couple of things for not pursuing a woman. One, it was too hard. She wasn't clear. Someone who doesn't respond for two days, it's just really, they just got busy.

It's not that they were playing games. The relationships that my clients get into and get married, they get busy, but they stay respectful. [00:16:00] And, and so they say, "I know it sounds like I'm saying no a lot, but I really like you, and I really want to keep talking to you, so please don't stop asking me out." I mean, if you were to hear that, how would you feel then?

I would ask her out immediately. I mean, yeah, like that please... The, the line you just said, "Please don't stop asking me out," anything like that is the greenest light that I can possibly think of. Um, that kind of communication, that clarity is so rare, I think, these days. I think when we start to approach it with courtesy and courtship and kindness, I call it fruits of the spirit flirting, right?

Where you look at the fruits of the spirit and that is how you flirt. Like, just practice kindness, practice patience, practice gentleness. Like, if you could just practice, you know, love where you actually go into the [00:17:00] situation, love and respect, agape love, like it changes the temperature of the interaction.

Absolutely. Yeah, I can't agree with you enough. It's It's, it's so important just to kind of remind yourself of those first sometimes and think, you know, "How am I acting and how can I, how can I be better?" Um, 'cause, you know, I, I... And it can, it doesn't even have to be that complicated either. Like, it can be so simple.

Like, even just, you know, I remember, like, years back at this point, um, there was this woman that I just, I could not get over. Could not. Um, it, it, it took me absolutely forever to do it, and I, I finally, you know, I t- spent so many hours, maybe not hours, but a, a long time thinking about, like, why was that? And it's just because she was...

Well, she laughed at my jokes, first of all, so there was, that was important. She was so kind. She really w- I mean, she was the [00:18:00] nicest, kindest, one of the most sweetest people I've ever met, and she was intentional about it, too. And I don't know if she knew that she was being intentional, um, but she definitely was.

And she, whenever we were texting, um, and we'd, you know, have, like, our, you know, five or six different conversations going on at once, at the end of it she would ask me about my day. Or, like, she knew I had a, you know, a meeting that morning or was at my parents' house last night for dinner or whatever it was, and she'd ma- she'd ask me about it, and she was genuinely curious.

Um, and I know she wasn't... You know, people say like, "Oh, how are you? How was your day?" Just kind of as, like, a, a greeting almost. But, like, I knew with her, like, she wanted to know, and that was so refreshing and so nice. And, um, it, it... If you, if you really wanna get a guy stuck on you, just ask him questions that make him really feel like you want to know him as much as he wants to know you, and in a way [00:19:00] that maybe in some way that you're kind of pursuing him back, um, I think can be so honestly, like, addicting.

It's, it's- Mm-hmm ... it's so valuable to have that. Why didn't you marry her, Chandler? Uh, distance I think was the biggest, the biggest reason. She was in a, a few states away. Um, I was willing to make it work, but I think she just kinda wanted that, a little closer or something, which was totally fair- Mm-hmm

totally reasonable. Um, I have absolutely no hard feelings for her at all. Um, but she was, she was very cool. It was, it was... It's, it's so rare coming across that, too. Like, it's definitely something that, um- Yeah ... I appreciate a lot and have been... And I, I look for. Like, with every girl, like, I, I look for that 100%.

Yeah. Well, thank you for sharing that very personal story. That's the thing. Things are so complicated now. It's not a [00:20:00] simple village romance anymore, you know? Mm-hmm. What makes someone impossible to forget? Um- Surprise, surprise, the fruits of the spirit, you know? Surprise, surprise- Yeah ... she's walking in godliness and letting the Holy Spirit work through her.

So, you know, and, and you touched on something. Men want to be known. They want to be seen and understood, you know? Mm-hmm. And so that's why I, I think it's so important that you've gotta be patient with each other and equally giving. Like, if we could just, like, listen to each other, just be willing to just, just listen, you know?

Absolutely. The more, like, she, like, asked me those questions and really followed up with me and l- had these conversations about things that were going on in my life, like, that is, like, a really good feeling. And so if you're, you know, talking to a guy and, um, you're asking these questions and you're [00:21:00] getting to know him, like, he's gonna want more of that.

Like, he'll be like, "Oh," like, "that was nice. She asked me a question." Like, and it's, it's kind of like an automatic, like, "Well, how can I continue this? 'Cause I, I liked how that felt." "I would like how that would feel tomorrow and the next day and then next week and next month and 20 years from now when our kid is walking down, getting his high school diploma."

Um- Right ... and so I think that there's that kind of, like, push and pull and back and forth of, "Oh, that felt fantastic," like, "She really cares about me. I'm willing to put in more of an effort now into this and to build something that's, that's really beautiful." I think, um, being kind of more vulnerable and bold can be really important and really valuable to your search.

It's hard to do. It's, it's, it's very difficult to do. I will not deny that at all, but it can be very valuable to just look at it as even if [00:22:00] this is a no and even if it hurts for a little bit, it stings, but I know something more. If you... Okay, when you picture your future marriage, what are you most looking forward to?

Yeah, so many things. A few things that I really, really am looking forward to is just, like, building my own family. What I mean by that is building my own traditions. Like, what do we do every year on Halloween? Like, my, myself, my wife, and our kids, maybe, you know, the in-laws or, or my family. Like, what do we do on Halloween?

What do we do for Christmas? Um, what do we do for birthdays? You know, building those tr- traditions. Like my, for my family, you know, my dad is German, and so we sing German happy birthday every, every, every year, every birthday, and it's a lot of fun, and I wanna build those things with my future wife and our children.

Um, I wanna have, like, game nights or movie nights. I wanna have pizza nights. Nothing stays the same for very long, and while that can be [00:23:00] fun, I'm also just so much looking forward to just the simplicity of I know what my week looks like every week for the next 20 years. Like, Tuesday night we play a game with our kids.

Uh, you know, Sunday morning we're at 9:30 at Sunday school, and then we go to church afterward, and then we go to lunch. And then, you know, this night is movie night, and then we have... You know, and, and for Christmas we do this thing. And so it's not planned out quite so specifically as I know every minute of my life for the next 20 years, but I've, I've done the traveling, and I'll still do more I'm sure.

Um, but that's, that's what I would like. But more than anything, I think just that, um That level of expectation or knowledge that you get when you go home, like after a hard day of work or you've been on the road for a week or two. Like, there are certain things about your home that you just know and you like and that are comfortable to you.

That's kind of what I'm looking for in my future [00:24:00] marriages. Like, oh, I was just in, you know, DC for a week. I'm getting home. Like, my wife is there, my children are there, my, my traditions are there, my, my everything is there. Um- Mm-hmm ... and I'm looking forward to that kind of wholeness and comfort in that I think is gonna be really- Yeah

really cool. Yeah. So if your future wife was listening to this, what would you, what would you wanna tell her? What would you want her to know while she's waiting- Mm ... for you, while she's waiting to build this home with you? Um, well, I could drop my Instagram handle. You know, I- I'm ready. Um, no, I won't do that.

But I think, um, I think if, if my specific individual wife was listening to this, I... that's kind of what I would tell her, is I'm ready for this relationship to begin. Um, I think a lot of people are [00:25:00] kind of fluctuating between, you know, what, what is my career looking like, and kind of maybe fitting in the relationship if I can.

But ideally, you know, I'm looking for somebody that is ready for marriage and ready to kind of put some of those things that maybe they prioritized previously on the back burner and say like, "Yeah," like my early 20s, I was all about my degree and my job, but I'm, I'm ready for something else. And so that's something that I would say, um, is that I'm ready.

Um, I think I would say, you know, I'm, I'm- Waiting for, waiting to kind of build those traditions before I, to do them myself before, you know, I just get so set in my ways that I become some, um, grudgy old man that, you know, is set in, set in his ways, set, set in stone. Um, I don't wanna become that yet. I wanna kind of be molded by that relationship into marriage.

Um- Mm-hmm ... but I think that's a kind of a w- a thing that a lot of Christian [00:26:00] guys especially, you know, mid to late 20s or, or even older, is we've done the college stuff, we've gotten our job, we've done our career, or have not done our career. We're still, you know, we've g- we've gotten our job, but we're just kind of ready to, to go for it.

Mm-hmm. What are you really hoping that she, she's doing right now so that you can find her, and so that you two can start a future together? Yeah, I mean, beyond like the obvious, like keep praying for it, um, yourself or like, you know, keep, you know, talk to God and, and read your Bible and go to church. Um, I think it's kind of obvious ones, but...

And also kind of like the right answer of like, maybe if you're like me in the past couple years, you've kind of bounced around Bible studies and you haven't, you know, found someone, go to one more. Or, you know, if your friend invites you out to hang out with her friends or something, say yes. Like you were saying, just say [00:27:00] yes.

Like at, at, at worst will be a fun night and maybe you'll do something more, but I think something that has been so valuable to me and something that I'm still kind of getting used to, and it, it's, it's weirdly a humbling experience, and it really shouldn't be, of just asking everybody you know to pray for you.

Like when I, I recently went through a job change a few months ago and, um, at the time it was a big, giant burden on my back. It was every waking second almost it was something I was thinking about. But I asked all my friends, my mom, my, my brother, everybody, I was like, "Please pray for me," and I got the job.

And so I think that's so valuable is get like a group of, you know, six, eight, 10 people that can pray for you diligently. Yeah. It's beautiful One of the things that help a woman recognize a man, would you be interested [00:28:00] in hearing that? I would love as much detail as you can give me, that would be wonderful.

Okay. There's a lot of really good Christian men getting totally missed. So many women tell me, "There's no good Christian men left." Like, a year later they're married. I- I'm like, "Yeah." Because we serve a really big God, and his church is being built. So there are men out there that are marriage material, but we ca- we're not re- we can't tell.

Like, these men, they're really hard to recognize. And the challenge isn't to become a better guy at all. It's just to make it easier to recognize you Well, how do I do that? That's That'd be nice to know. Okay. Imagine [00:29:00] you are the same man you are today But your dating profile gets twice as many quality conversations over the next few months with women who are more enthusiastic.

This is door number one. More conversations, women who are more enthusiastic about you. Do you think that would increase your chances of end result meeting your wife? I'm inclined to say yes. That seems to, to make sense. Just increased chances, yes. Sure. Right? Sure. 'Cause right now women are saying there's no good men around.

That should really irritate Christian guys. Yeah. Doesn't that kind of irritate you- Yeah ... to hear that? Yeah, it's like I'm right here. Like what are you talking about? Exactly. Exactly. So all you need to be concerned about right now is letting her know, "Hey, there's one over here." Yeah. Right? Yeah. So for you, the [00:30:00] first thing that women experience, say you're on the dating apps, right?

It's not your character. Mm-hmm. Not your kindness. It's not your leadership. It's your profile, right? You've got four to 10 seconds to very quickly tell her, "I am one of the guys you should get to know." There's a well-known dating app that, um, consulted me and r- took my recommendations to improve user success, and I was coaching a bunch of their members, and people don't realize how important storytelling in their photos is.

They don't realize it. And so you put up a photo of you with a group, and instantly you ask a woman to figure out which one you are. And the way women think, "Okay, which one is he? Okay, are these the guys that he's gonna hang out with and not talk to me because he's with his bros? Like who are [00:31:00] these guys?

What are their girlfriends like? Are they going to be like..." And you know, she's g- like you lost her. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You put up a photo with other people, too much friction, too... Like she's gone. Then you put up a photo with like you in sunglasses. Oh, no. You lost her again because like you're at a beach, but you're kinda far away, and she can't see your eyes, so s- there's no connection.

Again, you lost her, you know? Mm-hmm. And it doesn't really... The... Neither of these photos told her anything about you, right? But here's the worst thing. You put up some selfies. Now she's gone. Oh, no. For the death toll because selfies are the lowest effort photos you could put up. And here's what a woman is asking herself.

Did he put any effort into this? Is he gonna put effort into me? So like while guys think that women are individual, they are, but [00:32:00] they're just asking different things. They're asking- What is it gonna be like being in a relationship with him? Is he intentional? Because intentionality is safety to a woman It's unique for me 'cause, like, I, I feel like when I'm taking pictures, like, I've...

I, I don't take a ton of pictures. I'm not, like, the most, like, Instagram-friendly guy. Like, I just, I just don't like posting my life a whole bunch, so I don't have too many pictures, but the one I, ones I do take, it's like the selfies look so much better. It's it's... and maybe that's a weird thing to say.

Maybe, I don't know if that's true, but to me it's like, "Oh, they just look so much better. I'll just post those" They... Well, so actually, the dating app that I, I, you know, that consulted me, they don't allow selfies Oh, really? If, if you try and put up a selfie- Yeah ... they will flag it and say, "Selfies are not recommended."

They just don't, they don't convey... When I work with my women, we work on it so that everything tells [00:33:00] a story- Mm-hmm ... it very quickly, very quickly. That's why I'm saying, like, this problem is a recognition problem. She just didn't- Mm-hmm ... recognize that you were the greatest guy that could bless her life with.

And what's happening is people put a lot of effort on the written part of their profile, but it's, it's too late. Like, nobody looked at it because they swiped left, um, if they saw a photo that just didn't grab them, you know? Mm-hmm. Um, so your photos need to convey, like, "I care about you. I care about this process.

Your heart is important to me. Your time is important to me." That's gonna make her stop and say, "Okay, I'll give him a shot." Yeah. Absolutely. That makes a lot of sense. All right, dude. Keep in touch, okay? Yeah. This was so much fun, Thema. I gotta get on more podcasts. This was a blast.